How to Combat Indecision

Why is it that sometimes you just can’t make decisions?

The Agony of Feeling Indecisive


Indecisive. The inability – or the temporary paralysis – to decide when presented with more than one choice.

Have you ever felt indecisive?

It is like an itch that you cannot scratch, one that keeps you from doing anything else until you make your decision and move on.

You may need to decide which major to pick for your university, whether to stay in your job or quit to build your business, and if it’s a good idea to marry your boyfriend or wait longer to get to know him. And a billion other decisions that on the surface seem easy enough but for an indecisive mind, they are pure agony.

And it’s not like you haven’t done your due diliegence.

You have done all the hard work and research to arrive at a smart, informed, educated decision. You have weighed your options, done the pros and cons exercise, and even tackled the “worst case scenarios”.

So then you sit down for the umpteenth time to finally decide.You talk to yourself rationally about your ‘best option’ and how it makes the ‘most sense’, and you tell yourself that it is definitely, without a doubt, absolutely and positively your ‘final decision’. Period.

Except you pause again. You second guess one thing and the next and the whole thing falls apart again. You lose all faith in making the “right” decision for yourself.

The indecisive feeling returns and it has brought along a new friend, depression. Not only are you back to square one, you are also feeling depressed that you have wasted all that time without making any progress.

Fear of Deciding “Wrong” Is A Myth


One reason is that making a decision feels so final, so permanent and so irreversible that you keep dragging your feet.

Your greatest worry is this: What if you decide wrong?

What if you choose the wrong path, pick the wrong partner, or choose the wrong job? If every decision dictates the subsequent events that follow in life, would you not then be “ruining” the chances of success and happiness by choosing wrong?

Such is the insanity of the human mind. In fact, this worry is so enormous that you never even consider the remote possibility of deciding incredibly right!

Or yet another remote possibility that there may not even be a right or wrong to choose from, only an experience to live through.

Your mind tells you to fear the wrong outcome and so you absolve yourself of the responsibility of making a decision, because, you explain to yourself logically, if you don’t decide, how can you decide wrong?

Well, it turns out that you can decide wrong because indecision is still a decision and it’s the worst decision. The worst outcome of all is not deciding “wrong”. It is not deciding at all. With indecision, you give up the power to decide and you essentially hand that power to others to decide for YOU.

There are no wrong decisions if you make the best decision at the time with all the resources and information at your disposal. If you choose to await further instructions, that’s fine but decide when the time feels right without worry or procrastination.

There are no mistakes. If you choose the “wrong” major, you learn from it. If you pick the “wrong” partner, you also learn from it. And if you even choose the “wrong” job or career, God knows you will so learn from that too.

Deciding wrong, making mistakes and failing at your relationships or your career can be the best thing that happened to you. But not deciding at all, not living with intention, not charting your own course with your own values and desires, or staying locked up in a careful state of doing very little so as to be safe, those are the recipes for regret and depression.

I only see TWO outcomes here with only ONE truth:

The TWO Outcomes: Either (1) you make the decision or (2) someone else makes the decision on your behalf.
The ONE truth: Only you know what’s best for you. Anyone else that decides for you is only making a wild uneducated guesses on your behalf.

One Question to Ask Yourself When Feeling Indecisive

I know how it feels to be indecisive, and how to wish that someone would make that decision for you so you don’t have to do it. I know because whenever that happened to me, I would go ahead and let others decide for me. I let the opinion of friends impact my decisions and my path, and sometimes, I just sat there not deciding until the windows of opportunity closed shut and the choices vanished before I acted on them.

And that is how I know that deciding is far better than not deciding at all.

There is a simple singular question to ask yourself when you feel indecisive:

What’s better: a life of mistakes or a life of procrastination?

Think long and hard about this one. Think about what it means to decide and move on with your own story or to sit there, biding your time, dragging your feet only to wake up to closed doors and lost chances.

And know this, you cannot blame anyone else for your indecision. It is in your own powers to change that now.

When I help my clients make difficult decisions in their careers and lives, I am careful never to tell them what to do, even if they wish I did but instead to give them the tools and systems and help they need to make the best decision on their own. That’s true empowerment.

And that’s what I want to give you now: empowerment. You are in charge of your own life. The reason you are afraid of making a decision rarely has to do with the decision itself, so look deeper. Maybe you are just waiting for approval on your decision? Maybe you need validation? Maybe a part of you needs a guarantee that it will all work out?

Well, stop waiting for those things, sweet heart!. Life does not come with guarantees, validation is the last thing that can help you and seeking the approval of others will lead you to disappointment.

Mistakes Or Procrastination? Take Your Pick!

With mistakes, you learn, you grow, you adapt, you toughen up, you gain experience and wisdom, you mature and you become a better person.
And this is only if you make the wrong decision, which is all relative.

In the grand scheme of life, making your own decisions is exercising one of your greatest human rights. Why would you ever give it up so that others make decisions for you?

With procrastination, you lose opportunity, you miss out on life, you regret, you worry, you second-guess, you depend on others, you give up your powers and become a lesser version of yourself.

Choose mistakes over procrastination. Every Single Time.

Arriving at Decisions

Do your homework, your research, and your due diligence. Seek the expert opinion of everyone you respect. But in the end, make your decision on your own, with an open heart and a brave heart and trust yourself to do it right. Let it go and stop obsessing over it after it’s done!

Trust yourself that whatever reality presents beyond your decision is going to be the best thing that happens. And you have the power to change course again if need be, but the course you have now chosen is the perfect choice with the information and conditions present to you.

Over to you. Tell me in the comments below if this perspective helps you make the decisions that paralyze you and what has worked better for you?

Simple Ways to Get Considerably More Done

by Jeff Haden

This post is in partnership with Inc., which offers useful advice, resources, and insights to entrepreneurs and business owners. The article below was originally published at Inc.com.
In the spirit of the topic, let’s get right to it:

1. Eliminate one ego commitment

We all do things that have more to do with ego than results.

Maybe you serve on a committee because you like how it looks on your CV. Maybe you teach at a local college because you like the words “adjunct professor.”

Or maybe, like me, you write a weekly column for your local newspaper mostly because you like when people recognize you at the grocery store.

The things you do mostly for ego are mostly a waste of time. Think about something you do mainly because it makes you look important, smart, or cool. If it provides no other “value,” drop it. I’m dropping my weekly newspaper column.

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Anything you do that serves the greater glory of you is a waste of time; besides, the best glory is reflected, not projected.

2. Create a happy shelf

I have a shelf full of old Photoshop books. Haven’t opened them in years, so I replaced them with family photos.

Makes me happy. When I’m happy, I do better work. You will too.

3. Stop looking for that extra 10 percent

I’m somewhat competitive. When I start to do something, within a short period of time I start wanting to do it better than other people.

Okay, I’m overly competitive.

Take cycling. I’m faster, fitter, etc. than the average person. But compared to the fast guys, I’m nothing. They can drop me within a few miles. Drives me crazy. Makes me ride more and train more and spend tons of hours on a bike–and for what? So I can hang with them for a couple more miles? So my time up a certain mountain is only 30 percent slower than theirs instead of 40 percent?

The kind of improvement has no real importance. Sure, I may get in better shape, but at that point the improvement to my overall health is incremental at best. And in the meantime I spend hours on cycling that I could spend on working towards more important goals.

Or I could just spend more time with my family, the most important goal of all.

So this year I’ll stay in good shape but I won’t worry about working to keep up with the fast guys: One, I never will, and two–it really doesn’t matter if I do.

Think about something you already do well but are trying hard to do even better. Then weigh the input with the outcome.

Sometimes “good” truly is good enough, especially if that 10 percent gain is hugely disproportionate to the pain required to reach it.

4. Craft your “just say no” elevator speech

Entrepreneurs work hard on their elevator speech. They revise, they hone, and they rehearse because their elevator speech is important.

It’s also important to know, with grace and tact, how to say no.

Most of us default to “yes” because we don’t want to seem rude or unfriendly or unhelpful. Unfortunately, that also means we default to taking on more than we want or can handle.

Maybe your response will be as simple as what I plan to use, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t have time.”

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Whatever yours is, rehearse so it comes naturally. That way you won’t say yes simply because you think you should; you’ll say yes because you think it’s right for you.

5. Eliminate one “fun” commitment

I used to play fantasy baseball and football. Now I just play fantasy Premier League soccer. When I think about it, I have no idea why.

I could rationalize that it creates a nice break in the week. I could rationalize it’s like a “mental health” activity that lets me step aside from the stress and strain of business life. I could, but that’s not true.

I just do it because I’ve always done it, and once I start every year I don’t want to quit because, um, I’m not a quitter. (I know that sounds stupid, but I’m willing to bet you do at least one thing for the same reasons.)

Look at the things you do because you’ve always done them and decide if it’s time to stop.

Here’s an easy test: If you wouldn’t do something while you were on vacation, there’s no good reason to do it when you’re not.

6. Set limits

Deadlines and time frames establish parameters, but typically not in a good way. We instinctively adjust our effort so our activities take whatever time we let them take.

Tasks should only take as long as they need to take–or as long as you decide they should take.

Try this: Decide you’ll only spend 10 minutes a day on social media. Just 10.

The first day you’ll get frustrated because you won’t get everything done you “need” to get done. The second day you’ll instinctively skip a few feeds because they’re not as important. The third day you’ll re-prioritize and maybe use a tool like HootSuite to get better organized.

By the fifth day you’ll realize 10 minutes is plenty of time to do what you need to do; all that other time you used to spend was just fluff.

Pick a task, set a time limit, and stick to that time limit. Necessity, even artificial necessity, is the mother of creativity. I promise you’ll figure out how to make it work.

7. Rework your nighttime routine

Every day the first thing you do is the most important thing you will do: It sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Prepare for it the night before. Make a list. Make a few notes. Review information. Prime yourself to hit the ground at an all-out sprint the next day; a body in super-fast motion tends to stay in super-fast motion.

8. Rework your morning routine

Then make sure you can get to that task as smoothly as possible. Pretend you’re an Olympic sprinter and your morning routine is like the warm-up for a race. Don’t dawdle, don’t ease your way into your morning, and don’t make sure you get some “me” time (hey, sleep time is me time). Get up, get cleaned up, get fueled up–and start rolling.

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My elapsed time from bed to desk is about 15 minutes, so there’s not much I can improve there. So I’m going to take a different approach. I normally check email first thing; now I’ll get at least one important thing done.

Sprinters don’t do cool-down laps before they race. Neither should we.

9. Rework one repetitive task

Think of a task you do on a regular basis.

Now deconstruct it. Make it faster. Or improve the quality. Pick something you do that has become automatic and actively work to make it better.

Even if you only save five minutes, that’s five minutes every time.

10. Eat one meal differently

Eating can take up a lot of time, especially if you eat out. Deciding where to eat, what to eat, driving and ordering and waiting and lingering… ugh.

Pick one meal to eat efficiently. Turn 30 to 60 minutes of dead time into 10 minutes of refueling and recharging. Bring something healthy you can eat at your desk, like tuna and a salad or fruit. Or eat a meal replacement bar.

Use that meal to fuel up in a healthy way. Then move instantly on to doing something productive.

You’ll feel better. And you’ll get more done.

11. Outsource one task

I was raised to think that any job I could do myself was a job I should do myself.

Starting next week the kid down the street will cut my grass. He can use the money. I can use the time.

12. Fix that one thing you often screw up

I’m terrible about putting meetings and phone calls on my calendar. I figure I’ll get to it later and then I never do. I spend way too much time, often in a panic, trying to figure out when and where and who…

All that time is wasted time. My commitment: I will immediately enter every appointment into my calendar the moment I make it–regardless of what else I might be doing.

You probably have at least one thing you tend to mess up. My wife often misplaces her car keys, and when she does she (and I) spend too much (because any is too much) time looking for them.

Maybe you don’t file stuff properly. Maybe you put off dealing with certain emails and then forget them. Maybe you regularly find you’re unprepared for a call or meeting.

Whatever your “thing” is, fix it. You’ll save time and aggravation.

13. Rework your commute

According to the Census Bureau the average commute is 25 minutes. (Here’s a cool map showing average the commute times across the U.S.) That’s almost an hour a day you’re probably wasting.

Make it productive instead. Review your to-do list and think of the best way to knock off those tasks. Listen to a podcast or audiobook. Make a couple of calls–not ones requiring focus or important decisions, but ones to check in, review progress, network, etc.

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Shoot, learn a language. Studies show speaking at least two languages may slow the onset of dementia and Alzheimer’s in an aging brain. (Reason enough, eh?)

Don’t let your commute be dead time. Get things done you won’t have to do later; if nothing else you’ll get to do something you actually enjoy during the time you free up.

14. Pick one task during which you won’t multi-task

Plenty of research says multi-tasking doesn’t work. Some research says multi-tasking actually makes you stupid.

Maybe you agree. Maybe you don’t. Either way, I feel sure there is at least one thing you do that is so important you should never allow a distraction or a loss of focus.

Choose an important task and when you perform it turn everything else off. Focus solely on that task.

See if you do it better.

I bet you will–and I bet you’ll extend the practice to other tasks.

The Importance of SMART Goal Setting

SMART = Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound.

SMART goal setting is valuable for self-improvement and motivation especially these days that there are so many distractions around us. Not only is the SMART model important for setting performance objectives with your employer but it is also very helpful for personal goal setting because it allows to paint a perfect picture of what we are trying to work hard for. There are different kinds of goals that one may set. It could be:

• Long-term goals. These are goals that will happen for 5 years or more. It takes time in order to accomplish this which means longer commitment and longer hard work. But most long-term goals are huge and very fulfilling when achieved. An example of that is finishing a design course.
• Intermediate-term goals. These are goals that can be achieved with 1-5 years. You also need to spend more time to get it but you’ll get it easier than your long-term goal. An example could be getting a design course or a certification.
• Short-term goals. These are goals that can be done in less than a year. It depends on how you work on it. The more focused you are, the faster you can get to the finish line.

Specific

Goals should be straightforward and emphasize what you want to happen. Specifics help us to focus our efforts and clearly define what we are going to do.
Specific is the What, Why, and How of the SMART model.

• WHAT are you going to do? Use action words such as direct, organize, coordinate, lead, develop, plan, build etc.
• WHY is this important to do at this time? What do you want to ultimately accomplish?
• HOW are you going to do it? (By…)

Ensure the goals you set is very specific, clear and easy. Instead of setting a goal to lose weight or be healthier, set a specific goal to lose 2cm off your waistline or to walk 5 miles at an aerobically challenging pace.



Measurable

If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it. In the broadest sense, the whole goal statement is a measure for the project; if the goal is accomplished, the is a success. However, there are usually several short-term or small measurements that can be built into the goal.
Choose a goal with measurable progress, so you can see the change occur. How will you see when you reach your goal? Be specific! “I want to read 3 chapter books of 100 pages on my own before my birthday” shows the specific target to be measure. “I want to be a good reader” is not as measurable.
Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goals.

Attainable

When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop that attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. Your begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals.
Goals you set which are too far out of your reach, you probably won’t commit to doing. Although you may start with the best of intentions, the knowledge that it’s too much for you means your subconscious will keep reminding you of this fact and will stop you from even giving it your best.
A goal needs to stretch you slightly so you feel you can do it and it will need a real commitment from you. For instance, if you aim to lose 20lbs in one week, we all know that isn’t achievable. But setting a goal to loose 1lb and when you’ve achieved that, aiming to lose a further 1lb, will keep it achievable for you.
The feeling of success which this brings helps you to remain motivated.


Image: shutterstock
Setting a goal can also motivate you to move forward. It lets you work harder to reach your goal. This is important especially when you are working on your design projects that have deadlines. But this is also true to your long terms goals. When you experience times that you are starting to lose your motivation, then think and consider your goal again and this will fuel you forward.

Realistic

This is not a synonym for “easy.” Realistic, in this case, means “do-able.” It means that the learning curve is not a vertical slope; that the skills needed to do the work are available; that the project fits with the overall strategy and goals of the organization. A realistic project may push the skills and knowledge of the people working on it but it shouldn’t break them.
Devise a plan or a way of getting there which makes the goal realistic. The goal needs to be realistic for you and where you are at the moment. A goal of never again eating sweets, cakes, crisps and chocolate may not be realistic for someone who really enjoys these foods.
For instance, it may be more realistic to set a goal of eating a piece of fruit each day instead of one sweet item. You can then choose to work towards reducing the amount of sweet products gradually as and when this feels realistic for you.
Be sure to set goals that you can attain with some effort! Too difficult and you set the stage for failure, but too low sends the message that you aren’t very capable. Set the bar high enough for a satisfying achievement!

Image: shutterstock
Well, if you do not know how to discipline yourself, then you will find it hard to reach your goal. So, if you have set a clear goal and you are motivated to attain it, then you have to discipline yourself to do things that will easily lead you to that goal.

Time-Bound

Set a timeframe for the goal: for next week, in three months, by fifth grade. Putting an end point on your goal gives you a clear target to work towards.
If you don’t set a time, the commitment is too vague. It tends not to happen because you feel you can start at any time. Without a time limit, there’s no urgency to start taking action now.
Time must be measurable, attainable and realistic.
Everyone will benefit from goals and objectives if they are SMART. SMART, is the instrument to apply in setting your goals and objectives.